I Had To Die!~Let’s Chat About Me

For Real? I Have To Die!

Me Like, For Real GOD!

What do you mean I have to deny myself and die? It’s not all about me? This has been my way of thinking for all of my life. I’ve been saved for along time now, over sixteen years but saved for real for like eight years now 😉. These last past 6 years have been really rough for me spiritually. I experienced a major depression in the spirit 😕. I know you probably have never heard of that but that’s what it was like for me, a valley of dry bones. I was discontent and just wanted to live saved and that’s it. I wanted nothing to do with being called, work of the LORD or ministry of any kind. Now don’t get me wrong, GOD (My DADDY) has been doing great things in our life and showing himself strong, so when I speak about this drought, I’m speaking about in my own personal spiritual life, my walk with him! I went on a spiritual hiatus if you will. It’s like I clocked out, shut down and expected GOD to do everything! When your thinking is stinking, this is what can happen. This is why our minds have to be renewed.

I thought that GOD would come down to my level instead of me coming up to HIS level. I thought I was special like that and I didn’t have to go through what others have went through. And even though I am special, I can’t bypass That thing called, The Process 😡! I thought HE was going to mystically do this stuff in my life that he showed me and confirmed by many strangers and I didn’t have to do a thing! I get this awesome glimpse of my future and all these people confirming this and that but nobody bothers to tell me about the middle of it, the hell I was going to have to go through to get to what I was allowed to see! I was waiting on HIM and HE was waiting on me, go figure 😞. This way of thinking caused me to become frustrated with myself and GOD when things weren’t happening in me like I thought they should have. I was looking for GOD to do it the way I wanted HIM to do it and when I wanted HIM to do it.

“You have to move out of GOD’S way NaTasha, You can’t try to control GOD, GOD Is not going to come down to your level, GOD can’t and won’t do what HE wants to do if you don’t let HIM, you have to die“, is what my husband would often say 😤. I can’t tell you how many times I have heard this over the last past seven years from my husband. My response would always be, “I am, I did, I don’t know how to, why can’t HE just do it, after all HE’S GOD and HE can do anything”. I didn’t know how to deny myself and die, how to move out of the way! I couldn’t! I wouldn’t! To make a very long story short, I was trying to control GOD, even manipulate HIM. I know right, foolish thinking! This is what happens most of the time with spoiled children, they grow up selfish, thinking that everything and everybody must cater to them, even GOD (THE MOST HIGH). How crazy does that sound? But let me tell you, to a person that suffers from this kind of delusion, it’s not crazy at all, it’s normal to them! I just couldn’t wrap my mind around the fact that I can’t be in or control things as I had been used to. You mean I have to submit to not just one but two, GOD and my husband. This was even harder because I had man issues. Yeah, I know! I was messed up from the floor up! The whole submission issue deserves it’s own post so we will save that for another time, LORD willing.

I slipped into a spiritual coma and just came out of it in September 2015. Since then, I have been seeking HIM like never before. I’ve been dating GOD again. I decided to give HIM another chance, lol.  I made up in my mind that it’s now or never! It’s life or death! It’s truth or lies! It’s real or fake! It’s up or down! It’s right or wrong! I think you get the picture. I’m going to give it all I got because where I am is not where I’m supposed to be or where I want to be based on what HE showed and told me! I’m super delayed but not denied. HE planted the seed in me and I don’t know how to get there but I know HE does because HE’S  the one who will do it once I move out of the way!!!  But Praise my HEAVENLY FATHER, THE MOST HIGH and ONLY TRUE and LIVING GOD in the name of JESUS because on Wednesday, January 20, 2016, while in prayer and worship, I received my breakthrough and deliverance, HALLELUJAH😁

Breakthrough because I received this revelation in my spirit that this thing is not about me and never has been. It’s All about HIS GlORY and CHRIST having the Preeminence! It’s about what HE want’s to do in me and through me. I seen it and heard it and it was like the Heavens opened up and put that thing in my spirit and was like, you are going to receive this on today daughter and guess what? I did! Yay, Finally! CHRIST said that No one can follow HIM except they first deny themselves and take up their cross daily! That means I have to deny myself and die daily!

Deliverance because I was delivered from me, my biggest enemy! All my self-condemnation, guilt, shame, or whatever you want to name it…gone! No more thinking and saying I’m not worthy, and doubting, and wondering and trying to figure out why GOD wants to use somebody like me and if HE really will. Now, I’m like, why not me? HE said HE would and HE will because of HIS GLORY and HE does not lie! CHRIST was SAVIOR but HE couldn’t be LORD until I first denied myself.

Don’t get me wrong now, it won’t get any easier because I’ve experienced a breakthrough and deliverance because my flesh is what I will have to always deal with. The flesh never gets saved. I will have to discipline it and bring it under subjection. The breakthrough and deliverance just makes it easier to do because I can see the bigger picture now. Also, you see that it’s not about me but it is about me. I’m becoming more and more free as I continue this journey on the narrow road and it feels so good!

I have much more to say to you but the time is limited and so am I. Until next time, may GOD’S Grace abound toward you and yours and may HE keep you in HIS Perfect Peace! I bid you farewell with a Heavenly Kiss😚


💜~KeepN It Real With Me/Us~💜

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